CONTEST WINNER: Just Sit Right Back

Wow...I don't think I've ever received this many responses to a post before. How fun! Thank you all for your replies. There was only one person who got all the answers correct and that person did not want to appear in the comic. You know who you are (and you if you want credit by name, let me know)! Congratulations on being smarter than EVERYONE else!

So the rest of you want to know what the correct answer is? If you ask Jim Colegrove, who wins the award for the most creative answer (and may have to appear in a cartoon on the basis of that alone), he would have you believe that William Shatner was The Skipper, Leonard Nimoy was The Professor and DeForest Kelley was grumpy old Thurston Howell. If you ask my cousin Justin; he'd tell you that he has no f*cking idea. Leave it to someone in my family to drop an "F-Bomb" (as apparently I have been a lot lately as well). Thanks for trying cousin, but that's not really an answer and you lose.

Helen and Heide...you both missed Gilligan, but got all the rest right. Gilligan is a hard one because his real name was never mentioned on the show. The only time it's ever been revealed was during an interview with creator Sherwood Shwartz (and Bob Denver) who revealed that the Skipper's little buddy was named Willy Gilligan. The skipper, Jonas Grumby. The Professor, Roy Hinkley. The Howell's, Thurston and Lovey (officially it's never been revealed as "Eunice Wentworth" Lovey Howell but I accepted that). Ginger Grant, they revealed this name every other episode. And finally, Kansas girl Mary Ann Summers.

The only way to break the tie is the age old coin flip. Let me go get one. And the winner and person that will appear in an upcoming update is... HELEN by a "tails". Congratulations!

Warhol Vs. The Dark Knight

People...I need your help. We painted our spare bedroom/office a couple of weeks ago. We painted it Fudge Bar by Behr.

It looks fantastic against our black furniture. Now here's the dilemna...we want to hang a new piece of artwork on the new Fudge Bar wall and apparently that decision is left to me. We've done some searching and we've come up with two pieces to choose from. Now I know what Adam is going to say, but I'm looking for objective feedback, not obsessive fan feedback. Should I choose Four Monkeys by Andy Warhol or Batman Begins movie poster with siloutte in brown and black?

Pedestrians Are Not Invincible

What a way to start the week. I'm on my way to work this morning...nice and early. I stroll into Dunkin Donuts and order my medium coffee with skim milk and two sugars. I leave just in time to walk out and see some idiot dart into a crosswalk without looking both ways. One car slams on his breaks so he wouldn't kill the idiot...this car was an Audi. The giant pickup truck behind him didn't have a prayer of stopping on a slippery road (did I mention it was raining) and PLOW...right into the back of the Audi...the rear window exploded and the Audi slid several feet. The idiot in the crosswalk, who I will continue to refer to as an idiot in lieu of using the name fuckhead...stares at the accident he just caused and then jumps in a truck and LEAVES. He left the fucking accident scene and he CAUSED the accident. You better believe I wrote down the big white phone number on the side of the landscaping truck he drove off in. Idiot. The driver of the truck feels like crap...the driver of the Audi is on his way to the hospital in an ambulance...and the idiot that caused the whole thing is off having breakfast. People piss me off sometimes.

Pedestrians, listen up. You DO have the right of way in a crosswalk...but you still have to look both ways. You do. People in cars...those are weapons on wheels...can only stop SO quickly. So now, I'm an official witness to the accident...I had to hang out and talk to the police (while one of them went to get coffee and donuts by the way) and now I'll sit back and wait for a call from the insurance company...for an accident I wasn't even involved in. How about that?

CONTEST: Just Sit Right Back

I've caught the contest bug...I was reading Heide's Blog (linked below) and she was talking about entering contests and is now holding one herself. I thought...gee, that would be fun, but what would I possibly offer up as a prize? If I send food and someone is poisoned by it...they would sue. if I send a drawing and someone gets a paper cut...they would sue. If I send an actual prize, like a DVD or something, and the recipient thinks it's crap...they would sue and talk shit about me. So...I'm offering up the chance to appear in an episode of Alfred, Unibrow, and the Big Headed Boy.

Now before you consider that you could sue me for using your name and likeness in whatever way I feel is appropriate as a comic character...by entering the contest, you're giving me your permission to do so. If I ALREADY use your name and/or likeness in the comic...well...then you're entering to show that you're super smart and that should be enough. If you REALLY want your likeness used and I don't already know what you look like, you might have to e-mail me a picture of you (a fully clothed profile would be appreciated).

So here it goes. What are the names...that is...the first and last name of each of the seven original castaways on Gilligan's Island? Hint: if you say "The Skipper" and "The Professor", you will be wrong...they actually had full names.

Submit your entry to: jeff@weinertoons.com by Next Wednesday, April 26th at Noon and thanks for playing. If there are multiple correct answers, I'll have someone draw a name out of a hat and that person will win. If there are only two people...I'll flip a coin. It's my contest and I'll run it how I want.

The Priceline Guy Picked a Good One

The fourth installment of the William Shatner DVD Club arrived in my mailbox...a movie called "Close Your Eyes", created by BBC movies and originally released in 2002 as "Doctor Sleep".

Since BBC movies (in my opinion) are usually crap...I was skeptical. I thought it was going to suck. I decided that I would watch this one alone since the last two William Shatner picks made Katharine angry...Especially that piece of shit "King of the Ants". I sat down on the floor in my living room while I waited for my new sofa delivery on Tuesday, and I watched. The only recognizable actor in the movie is that guy from ER...you know who I mean. The cheap special effects at the beginning had me worried that I was wasting yet another hour and a half of my life, and then I remembered it was a BBC movie and I should have expected cheap special effects. I must say, that I was pleasantly surprised. It was a good movie. This is why I signed up for the DVD club in the first place...to see good movies that I would probably never rent or buy. So...one and half thumbs up for this movie...I wonder if Roger Ebert liked it.

One of these days...

I'm going to get fired for calling someone a douchebag. I know it. I can feel it in my bones. I'm going to have a really bad day and I'm going to totally go off on someone over the phone. I can't do that because I need my job... but I just know there's only so much a person can take before they crack. I feel that day coming....

Watching a Marathon is Hard Work

Yesterday, I attended the 110th running of the Boston Marathon...let me repeat that...I ATTENDED...I DID NOT run. If you know me at all...I didn't have to tell you that. No...I couldn't get myself motivated to WALK 26 miles...nevermind run it. I must say that I was impressed by all the people running by....a few pushing wheelchairs and a couple of people juggling as they ran. I took an aerobics class once and I couldn't coordinate all that...two of the guys running were juggling. Some of them weren't even breathing heavy and I was standing at mile 19.

So, here's the hard part...for me. A group of us went to see a friend run...we thought it would be easy to spot her...a single person in a sea of 20,000 runners. We didn't anticipate crowds in the hundreds running by all at once. Look away for a second and we'd miss her. Our eyes scanned the crowd...and scanned...and scanned. We didn't know where in the crowd she'd be or what color she was wearing. You see...we're not that bright...we didn't ask.

Have you ever stared into one of those "Magic Eye" pictures for so long that the back of your eyes hurt? That's what this was like and we finally found her...oh...and there she went...zipping by!

You'd think we were done after that, but it took some careful planning to cross the marathon road to get to the other side. Have you ever played the videogame Frogger? Now I've lived it.

Everybody All Aboard

When I was 14 years old, one of the few fun things to do in and around my home town on a Friday night was going to Silver City Skateland...roller skating around and around in a big circle on a shiny wooden floor. This was a time before rollerblades. A time before I had my license. What made me think of this in 2006? I was listening to my Sirius radio the other day (something else that didn't exist yet) and I heard that all too familiar sound of a train whistle..."Chooo Choooo...All aboard" and then the music started. I recognized it immediately as Party Train by The Gap Band*. When that song would play, you would skate harder and faster than anytime during the night...occasionally crashing into the wall at top speed...and you didn't even have a helmet on. Wasn't necessary. Not like now. Party Train was the coolest song to skate to...second ONLY to Erotic City by Prince*. That's right...I was 14...and that was THE coolest song on or off skates. Listen...consider how old I was and YOU tell ME why I thought it was cool.

*links will launch iTunes

Note to Blizzard

Dear Blizzard, makers of World of Warcraft:

Maybe you shouldn't be working on an Expansion Pack for your game when currently paying customers see the following more than they can actually play the game:



Stop releasing "patches"...you're fucking up the game more than you're helping it. "But we've introduced weather to the environment". You did, but too bad nobody can login to see it.

Here's Some Not So Good News for Me!

You Failed the US Citizenship Test

Oops, you only got 6 out of 10 right!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

Hope you have better luck than I did. Katharine only got 4 out of 10...I guess we'll be departing the good old U.S. of A together. I know someone that just passed this in real life...he truly deserves his citizenship if these questions are any indication!

01-02-03-04-05-06 I Feel Like I'm Watching LOST

Here's something creepy to wrap your head around...if you're reading this at 1:02AM and 3 seconds...and most of you won't be so it's too late; consider at that very second, it's 01:02:03 and considering the date is 04:05:06...yeah, creepy isn't it? Too bad you slept through it. Maybe you can be there for this afternoon's version of this.

Apparently I was the LAST one to know about this...unless YOU didn't know.

Vanity be thy name

Katharine:
Whoever invented high heeled shoes is the devil. And sadly, according to Google, the "mother" of high heeled shoes was Catherine de Medici. Apparently in 1533, and at the tender age of 14, she married the future king of france. To make herself appear older for this event, she wore high heeled shoes. That BITCH! Being 14 is just no excuse for inflicting this pain on future generations of women. I'm running around work this morning in complete agony in my gorgeous, grey, suede high heels with the cute little bronze bow on them, and you'd think that I'd change into my sneakers since my feet are apparently in the process of a rebellion and trying to secede from the rest of my body. But no. I'm way to vain to put my sneakers on. Instead I am going to attempt to limp my way through the rest of the day.

I wonder if I can beg, grovel, plead with Jeff to come pick me up at work? ;-)

An Unexplained Hour

I had a weird experience last night...I guess you could say it was this morning. I was playing World of Warcraft...it was 1:30AM...stop laughing...that's not the point of the story. I was playing. It was 1:30AM and I had about 30 minutes of gameplay left in me. I played for 40. I was going to shut down the computer and get some sleep when I noticed it was 3:10AM. I know. I was thinking that too. Somewhere along the way, I lost an hour. I totally skipped right over it. Maybe...just maybe...I was abducted by aliens.

You all know what happened, don't you. It didn't dawn on me until I was completely confused that it was Daylight Savings time on the East Coast of the United States and I didn't realize the clock changed all by itself.

It's Possible Bill Doesn't Know What SciFi/Horror Is...

Just a few short hours ago, I finished the 3rd William Shatner DVD Club installment...a movie called, "King of the Ants" starring Norm from Cheers, one of the unknown Baldwin brothers, "former MTV actress turned actress used only for sex appeal in a movie" Kari Wuhrer, and some people I've never heard of.

My first thought...and this might be spoilerish, but I'm telling you here not to see this...this movie had absolutely nothing to do with ants. I was hoping this guy...the main character...was going to lead all the town's ants and use them to kill all his enemies. That's what a horror movie does (which this IS classified as by the way and it's not), it takes something completely ridiculous and uses that to gross out the audience. This movie didn't do ANY of that. It makes you angry that you sat for 90 minutes watching it. And the ants that do finally show up in the movie don't have anything to do with the fucking plot. Nothing. Nada. There are ants on the DVD label for crying out loud. SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE TURNED INTO A FUCKING ANT!

So, I've bitched about it, but the movie wasn't a complete waste of time. It gave me something to write about and it prompted some quality conversation while we sat with some friends and watched it. And that my friends is worth the $4 installment I paid this month to the Shatner DVD Club. Keep 'em coming Bill.