Monty Needs to Learn How to Get Attention Without Pretending He's Dying

Oh, the joys of pet ownership...let me tell you. I'm running on little sleep at the moment and Monty is to blame. Earlier this evening, my favorite greyhound came stumbling down the stairs like a drunken soldier...all wobbly on his skinny little greyhound legs...drooling like someone turned on a faucet, and looking at me with eyes as black as an alien...totally dialated so you couldn't even see the whites. Katharine was out with the car (which is unusual in itself), so Monty and I were left to call Emergency Vet. Since Monty can't use the phone and he was all messed up anyway...I made the call. "He's probably going to throw up," said the man on the emergency vet line. "You might want to bring him outside." Out the door we go and sure enough...he was right. Monty continues to wobble. No color in his eyes. "Keep an eye on him," says the vet. "If he falls...don't get too close. He may snap at you." Great. As if watching him suffer wasn't enough.

Long story short. Katharine came home and Monty went to Emergency Vet at 11pm. If he wanted to go for a ride, all he had to do was ask. When we got to the vet...this was Monty.

Does that look sick to you? Here he is again...all back to normal...wants to go home...making me look like an ASS. Why do we have animals anyway?

Oh...and in case you haven't had enough Monty for one day...here he is in his pajamas that Katharine insists that he loves.

It's a wonder he hasn't bit us yet.

How Early is Too Early...It Should Be Illegal

I'm sitting home today waiting for a furniture delivery and suddenly being at work is looking pretty good. How inconsiderate has the world become? Not only are we ripping down every last tree for construction (which isn't the issue here and I'm not particularly concerned about that), but all personal consideration has been ripped away with it.

Thankfully, I woke up early this morning because the jackhammering across the street started at 738am...is that even legal? It shouldn't be. Gak, gak, gak, gak, gak, bang, bang, bang, bang...for the past 2 hours consistently as they try to remove this BOULDER...or is it a small MOUNTAIN...from the site of the new construction across the street. Does this "rock" look like it's going to break easily to you???



Two hours and they've barely dented it. It's been there for thousands of years...they think they can break it with their machines!?

Don't get me wrong, progress can be good, and if people want to fill every inch of land with houses...even when there is another house are for sale already right next door, then who am I to stop them? That is their right as loud, inconsiderate assholes who don't believe in letting me sleep after 7am. Of course I'm not angry...I'm sleep deprived. This isn't just today...they drove their tank up our street at 730am on Saturday morning and it hasn't stopped since. I kind of hope they build their house and then they can't sell it. Then I'll be able to move my stuff in and take possession...and have two houses. Isn't posession 9/10ths of the law? ;-)

The 360 in XBOX Stands for the Number of Games I'll Have By 2007

I left that embarrassing childhood moment as the top post long enough...it was popular and thanks for all those comments...all that support. Especially to those who called me to laugh in person (that would be my brother). But now it's time to move on; at least until I dig up another embarrassing childhood moment.

To celebrate the start of the holiday shopping season, which we and thousands of other people technically started weeks ago...Katharine and I went to Target tonight. Or was that last night? Yeah, it's after midnight. I seem to have developed this strange new habit of buying games for the XBOX 360...as if I think I'm going to finish any of them anytime soon. Haven't I had the regular XBOX for a couple of years now? You'd think I've never played a game console.

Gears of War has the best graphics of any game I've ever seen. And creepy when the crawly locusts come at you from the ceiling! Ultimate Alliance lets you play as Marvel Comics characters...all of the ones you'd want to play anyway. And Smackdown Vs. Raw...I picked this up just now at Target...it gives you total control over most of the wrestling moves you see on TV.

It's true...everytime I play another game, I slide further into geekdom. Thankfully Katharine likes to watch me play...for her it's like watching a movie. Phew. What's coming out next week? We'll see.

Now I'm Going to Embarrass My Teenage Self to Get a Laugh

ALERT! This could be the biggest thing since the Star Wars Kid hit the Internet!

When I was 17, I decided to make a movie...it was an action movie. Due to the absense of any neighbors close by to play parts in this movie, I chose to play the hero and the villian. Any good action movie needs a fight scene...so I got myself a crazy heavy metal hair band wig and started filming my fight scene. As you'll see in the following animated clip...the villian LOST THE FIGHT. This is a real live video that I shot 17 years ago (strangely enough)...a video that was followed by a trip to the hospital because my 17 year old self separated the muscle from my shoulder blade. You know that's not the story I gave the hospital...because I felt stupid. At least they didn't blame my parents like they would today. Enjoy my misery!

Tic Tac - Big Pack vs Regular

There's a debate in my office that's been going on fo...minutes. Google, scary as that is...cannot answer the question for us. Tic Tac...the candy...has regular packs, the have new Bold Tic Tacs, and they have the Big Pack. The debate is this...are the Tic Tacs in the Big Pack actually bigger than the regular Tic Tacs or is it just the package that's bigger? Don't just answer this if you don't know...we need something 100% accurate. I'm not telling you what I think but I think you'll all agree. ;-)

If I Did This Today, I Would Sprain Something Pt 1

I was talking to an old friend yesterday...not to say he's old, but I haven't seen him for 14 years...and we're the same age...anyway. I got to thinking about things I used to do when I was THAT age and how much I would hurt myself doing them now. Here's one of those things.

It's OK...you can giggle at how serious I look...I did. And those teeth...looks like a Crest commercial.

The House at the Top of the Dark Hill

How much rejection do you feel when you can't even give CANDY away to strangers! Halloween 2006 has come and gone...Katharine and I welcomed all the little devils and ghosts...and all we got were a group of PITY trick or treaters in the form of our neighbors who brought their kids over simply because they felt sorry for us the year prior. The oldest kid didn't even want to come over...he had to...his dad made him. He scored BIG too...while his siblings received containers of Play-Dough, he got an eight pack of full size Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. I ate the Almond Joys and Katharine had the 3 Musketeers. That was it. Apparently, we're going to have to go back to having a Halloween Party next year just to get some attention on the holiday of witches and spirits.

I know why people don't come to us...it's that blasted hill we live on. Our hill has a 60 degree incline and the street light...the ONE street light...is off half the time. So it's a DARK, STEEP, CREEPY hill with only 4 houses...hardly worth the climb when only two of us have our lights on. That's what keeps them away...the exercise, which would be good for them with all that candy. I'll bet more people would come if I filled the yard with pumpkins and put an arrow at the bottom of the hill "Wait for the Great Pumpkin with Us" with an arrow pointing to my yard. Maybe next year. Did you watch that Charlie Brown special this year? Katharine bought it and we still haven't seen it.