MOVIES: Rambo vs. The Cloverfield Monster (2008)

If the Cloverfield monster ran into Rambo in a dark alley, who would win? If you asked me that question in 1988 after Rambo III, I would totally have picked Cloverfield. But after seeing John Rambo slice and dice in 2008, I'd have to change my vote.

I was the first person to groan when I heard the Sylvester Stallone was making Rocky VI and Rambo IV...you may have been the second person, but both movies were fantastic. Now don't get me wrong; if you walk in to a theater showing Rambo IV, you might get a little queasy because it's not your typical 1980s action movie. It's much more brutal than you'd expect it to be for Rambo. Just a little bit queasy...although the same could be said for Cloverfield, but that's more because of the camera movements than the sprays of blood and gore.

I enjoyed Cloverfield...probably more than a lot of other people did, because it was a unique way to tell a monster story. What would I do if a HUGE monster (supposedly the baby) wrecked his way through Boston on his way to wrecking his way though...well...everything next to Boston? I would run. I would run as fast as my legs could carry me. I wouldn't stop...I wouldn't hide in the subway...I wouldn't go back for anyone (Katharine and I discussed that part at great length; thanks David for making me look like a jerk...liar...lol). I would get the hell out of the range of those HUGE Cloverfieldy arms and teeth.

Same with Rambo. I would run like the wind, because Rambo is mean. He's helping people, so it's a good kind of mean, but whew. When you're pushed, killing's as easy as breathing. If you're not bringing guns, then you're not changing nothing...anything...nothing. Yo Adrian. Rambo's mood hasn't changed and neither has his vocabulary. Someone must have told him that Trautman is dead. There we really horrific parts to Rambo IV and really human parts as well.

In the end, I realized that Rambo just needs a hug and so does Cloverfield. They just needs hugs. And tricks and treats as well. See both movies, but don't forget the queasy medicine.

If You Watch Those Blithering Idiots at FOX News, and Believe That They've Actually Researched a Story, Then You Are In Fact a Blithering Idiot

I'm disgusted. I have never seen a more blatant one sided discussion in a news story than I did when I watched this bullshit Fox News story on the videogame Mass Effect. And then I remembered that all Fox News stories I have ever seen accidentally are bullshit. I say accidentally, because I would never go out of my way to watch Fox News, but I have been places where it has been on. The only person that makes sense in the following video is the guy from Spike TV...the only person here who has actually PLAYED the friggin game and knows anything about it. Everyone else just wants to hear themselves spew mindless bullshit.

Mass Effect is a fantastic storytelling experience that can be played by a man or a woman, playing the character of a man or a woman as the hero. That's the FIRST CHOICE. It is not sexist...it does not demean women. Ask Katharine...she's practically played it twice. After you choose your character, the game is carried on as a choose your own adventure story (as it is described by that sensible Spike TV guy...unfortunately, his opinion is stepped all over by idiots). So what...it has that two minute sex scene (that barely shows ANYTHING), and it includes this scene as part of the story...a romance portion of the story...my character didn't wander into a porn shop looking for a quickie in the back room. They say this game will fall into the hands of unsuspecting children. If they're playing games or on the Internet without parental consent...then they're going to see SO MUCH WORSE than Mass Effect. As a matter of fact...watching Fox News is worse than playing Mass Effect because it fills the minds of children with LIES. Fox News can SUCK IT. This is why I don't watch the news...it's filled with unresearched mindless dribble. They should be ashamed of themselves referring to this game as "Luke Skywalker meets Debby Does Dallas"...they should be ashamed of themselves for calling their show a news show. SUCK IT Fox News. Good for you EA Games for speaking your mind against them (if you watched the video, please read the article).

http://www.gameinformer.com/News/Story/200801/N08.0123.1614.36600.htm

UPDATE: Oh wait...there's more! Cooper Lawrence, Fox New's Videogame "sexpert" gets reviewed!

http://blog.wired.com/games/2008/01/angry-gamers-st.html

and if you haven't already read the reviews of her book on Amazon.Com...you should do that now and see what happens when you treat the gaming community unfairly:

http://www.amazon.com/Cult-Perfection-Making-Peace-Overachiever/dp/1599211793/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1201236036&sr=8-1

FOLLOWING THE STORY TO THE END: Perhaps books sales were poor this week "Expert" Lawrence?

http://kotaku.com/349296/ea-vs-fox-lawrence-recants-mass-effect-judgement

Don't Eat the Fruit from a Scorpion Bowl if You Don't Drink

I wouldn't have believed it if someone had told me and it hadn't happened. I very rarely drink anything with alcohol anymore (and by very rarely, I mean never more than a sip). It's not because I'm an alcoholic or anything...just that I've had my share for a lifetime when I was in the Air Force and I don't enjoy feeling like crap when I wake up in the morning which was SO MANY TIMES the case when I did drink regularly.

Anyway...the other night I went out to a Chinese restaurant with Katharine and my cousins, where the three of them ordered two scorpion bowls. I've never tried a scorpion bowl so I had a SIP...and by sip, I mean a teeny tiny sip. It was pretty good, but someone had to drive that night and I still am not that interested in feeling like crap the next morning. So I settled for eating the fruit in the bowl. It wasn't soaked in the alcohol overnight...it didn't even taste like the alcohol...so why the hell did I wake up with a hangover the next morning? Why? That doesn't make any sense but it happened. Just a quick public service announcement.

A Review of 2007...The Year That Came Before 2008 and After 2006

It's the first day of 2008 and 2007 seems like a blur. When 2007 started, you may recall that I made some not so real New Years Resolutions and I thought I'd share how those resolutions went along with a short review of the past year. I'd post pictures here, but most likely I've posted pictures of most of this already.

My first resolution of 2007 was "more XBOXercise"...I kicked ass on that one. Best game I played all year was a tie between BioShock and Mass Effect. And how could I forget Guitar Hero and Rock Band which also tied for first. Who am I kidding...all the games I played this year were awesome, so there.

My second 2007 resolution was "convince Katharine that my TV shows are the best and that she should be watching them all". Well...she DID start watching Ghost Whisperer with me against her better judgement and she got hooked on watching all the wrestling shows. She's still not watching Heroes or Lost, but nobody's perfect. My new shows for 2007 were Bionic Woman, The Big Bang Theory, and Dexter...and unlike some people, the writers strike isn't bothering me as I've been able to catch up with some shows on DVD. I'm looking forward to both the new Knight Rider and Terminator series coming up in the next month or two as well as the return of Lost...even if it is only 8 episodes.

Third was "More pizza and less of other crappy foods". That one is interesting since I had my first surgery EVER this year...my gall bladder was removed in September making it possible to eat more pizza AND other foods that I couldn't eat previously. I didn't realize how bad I wanted to eat more pizza. Of course that just means that this year, I actually have to try and fit exercise into my life.

Fourth was "sell my cartoons". Since nobody is paying to visit my site today, I think I failed at that one. Whatever...maybe you enjoy them BECAUSE they're free. I need to get back to regular updates.

Fifth was "No more shitty movies" and it turns out that the first movie I saw in 2007 was Pimeval which was the biggest piece of shit ever filmed (in my opinion). I also hated 300...I think I'm pretty much alone on that one. But I also saw Rocky Balboa, Live Free or Die Hard, Transformers, The Simpsons Movie, Spiderman 3, and The Grindhouse...all of them were good to excellent. Looking forward to a fourth Rambo movie in theaters this month, Cloverfield in a couple weeks, a new Indiana Jones movie this year and Star Trek XI in December!

Resolution # 6 for 2007 was finish up some outstanding projects. I did finally finish my 6 month long patio project thanks to the help of some friends. I never did start the model of the Enterprise I got myself for Christmas in 2006...I might get to that this year.

I was busy doing a lot of things in 2007 if you'll recall some previous posts. Went to a play, "Shear Madness" and a charity date auction in February (just for support...not to shop), got to visit with two long-time friends again in March and April after not seeing either of them for almost 15 years, had a pie thrown in my face in April, laughed at the comedian John Pinnette live on stage in May, built a patio from May through September, brought Monty (our greyhound) to the racetrack for a visit in June, stood in a long line a midnight with Katharine so she could get the last Harry Potter book in July, had my first surgery in August, grew a beard for the first time ever in September, went to a musical...Sweeney Todd...in October (I hate musicals), bought a new car...a Subaru...and saw Van Halen with David Lee Roth in November, and attended my first live wrestling event in December. Phew. Been busy. All that and played a bunch of games, watched a bunch of movies on DVD, spent time with great friends, family, and those that qualify as both. Thanks everyone that participated in my 2007 and I'm looking forward to seeing you in 2008.

I'll present my resolutions for 2008 next week!