MOVIES: Rambo vs. The Cloverfield Monster (2008)

If the Cloverfield monster ran into Rambo in a dark alley, who would win? If you asked me that question in 1988 after Rambo III, I would totally have picked Cloverfield. But after seeing John Rambo slice and dice in 2008, I'd have to change my vote.

I was the first person to groan when I heard the Sylvester Stallone was making Rocky VI and Rambo IV...you may have been the second person, but both movies were fantastic. Now don't get me wrong; if you walk in to a theater showing Rambo IV, you might get a little queasy because it's not your typical 1980s action movie. It's much more brutal than you'd expect it to be for Rambo. Just a little bit queasy...although the same could be said for Cloverfield, but that's more because of the camera movements than the sprays of blood and gore.

I enjoyed Cloverfield...probably more than a lot of other people did, because it was a unique way to tell a monster story. What would I do if a HUGE monster (supposedly the baby) wrecked his way through Boston on his way to wrecking his way though...well...everything next to Boston? I would run. I would run as fast as my legs could carry me. I wouldn't stop...I wouldn't hide in the subway...I wouldn't go back for anyone (Katharine and I discussed that part at great length; thanks David for making me look like a jerk...liar...lol). I would get the hell out of the range of those HUGE Cloverfieldy arms and teeth.

Same with Rambo. I would run like the wind, because Rambo is mean. He's helping people, so it's a good kind of mean, but whew. When you're pushed, killing's as easy as breathing. If you're not bringing guns, then you're not changing nothing...anything...nothing. Yo Adrian. Rambo's mood hasn't changed and neither has his vocabulary. Someone must have told him that Trautman is dead. There we really horrific parts to Rambo IV and really human parts as well.

In the end, I realized that Rambo just needs a hug and so does Cloverfield. They just needs hugs. And tricks and treats as well. See both movies, but don't forget the queasy medicine.