Every Little Girl Dreams of the Day her Husband Holds her Hand Through a Blanket!

By Katharine

I'm sick right now. And if you've never had the pleasure of being with me when I'm sick, let me tell you what a joy I am to be around. When I'm sick I like to do the following, in no particular order:

• Whine.... a LOT!
• Curl up in a blanket on the sofa and moan about how horrible I feel.
• Not leave the mentioned sofa unless it's to go to the bathroom, or look in the fridge to eat anything that isn't moldy or moving on it's own.
• Call Jeff and whine some more.
• I am convinced that whatever I have is the worst that is out there, and nobody else has felt as bad as I do.
• I want chocolate, and lots of it. And I communicate this desire to Jeff in between whining about how bad I feel.
• I want Jeff's undivided attention, and I want him to rub my feet and back and tell me how gorgeous I am, and how much he loves me. Really, poetry would be appropriate at this point.
• Did I mention that I don't shower??? And thus all of this takes place when I'm still in my pj's, no make up, and am probably smelly to boot.

Now I know what you're thinking... how did Jeff get so lucky??? Well, Jeff came home tonight and I'm whining and telling him all the things that I want him to tell me... and he says "EWWWWW.... I'm not getting too close to you.. I don't want you to make me sick"... and then he says "Here, I'll hold your hand through the blanket". Ahhh.. doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?? I know as a little girl I dreamed of the day my husband would lovingly look me in the eyes and tell me he'd comfort me through a blanket. Do they write love songs about this????

All of My Good Ideas

I discovered this morning, that all of my good ideas come to me when I'm in the shower. Oddly enough, I made this discovery in the shower this morning when I came up with a good idea and then realized that this always happens. Maybe my brain is being watered in the shower and that promotes growth of brain cells...I don't know...I'm not a scientist. The bad thing about this is; I have nothing to write with...nor do I have anything to write on when I'm in the shower and as soon as I dry off...I forget the idea. I smell an invention coming on...I need to create a waterproof whiteboard. But how would one clean a waterproof whiteboard if it doesn't clean with water. What about a waterproof Etch-A-Sketch? Would that work? Too difficult to write notes I suppose...it would have to be a wax crayon on a piece of plexiglass. I don't know what the solution is, but I need to come up with it soon. If you think of something...comment here.

Cracked Windshields in the Frozen Tundra

So much for all that global warning crap that everyone was spewing a few weeks ago in New England when it was 50 degrees. It's cold again...and there's snow...and ice...and rain...and ice again. My fence looks like something outside of an Antarctica home and my windshield has a 3 foot crack across the bottom where a fuckload of ice crashed into it several hours ago.

It would have been a good day for the Boston area to cancel some shit...keep people off the roads, but businesses are greedy and don't care about their employees. This is my second weather related post today...must be a slow day...because everything is FROZEN. It's Valentine's Day too, did I mention that? We don't do much for Valentine's Day...thankfully. A couple of cards...some warmth under a blanket on a snowy afternoon...and evening. That's all you need. Too many people are hung up over this holiday and it usually ends in argument. Not in my house! Wheeee!

UPDATE (Feb 15th): Looks like I'm going to have to call the town again...I'm stuck at the top of my hill this morning. {sigh}

Causing a Ruckuss During the Storm

I pay taxes, just like everyone else, but for some reason my road is ignored during a snowstorm. To get any kind of plowing whatsoever, someone on my street has to call the city. This time, during today's particular round of nastiness, it was my turn to call. I can appreciate that the DPW folks have been busy, but when every street around me has been plowed to the pavement and I can't even get up my hill through the 3 inches of slush...that's a problem. So I called, and interestingly enough, there are now 3 DPW vehicles here...a plow, a Bobcat, and a salt truck. I pay taxes and now I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

(i'd take pictures, but then they would know who called)

Two Time Loser

I made a horrible mistake that could have cost me millions! I bought a lottery ticket over the weekend for a drawing that I thought already happened. I checked the lottery website...my number was not a winner...I proceeded to tear up the ticket and throw it into the trash. Flashforward...I realized the ticket was for TONIGHT, and not for last Friday when I didn't even have the ticket! Damn it! Into the trash to tape the ticket back together, although I'm not sure they'll accept that if it's a winner, although it might make an interesting human interest story on the news. What to do...what to do...I had to go and buy the SAME ticket again because you KNOW that number would come out if I didn't and they wouldn't accept my ripped to little pieces ticket shreds as the winner. {sigh} it's the price you pay for wanting to be a millionaire!

UPDATE: So here it is...my two tickets with the same number for the same lottery, which I would have had to split with myself had the number actually come up. It's a day later and I didn't win obviously or I'd be writing a different article today.

I Don't Have to Go to Work Today

I don't have to go to work tomorrow...uhm...today, and that's a good thing. Why is that a good thing? It's good because it's after 1am and I'm still awake watching The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. This is the show that follows The Late Show with David Letterman (which I've been watching for 22 years already). I get it...it's LATE and I'm still up. I don't need to be beat over the head with it.

So, what am I going to do with a day off tomorrow? Breakfast...the day has to start with breakfast. I think I'll go with pancakes and sausage...banana nut pancakes that I will not be making myself. After breakfast, it's anyone's guess...what do you do on your days off? Sure, I can catch up on movies...or maybe I can pick up one of the 4 books I haven't read yet. There used to be 5 books I haven't read yet, but one of them was lost a couple of weeks back. If you see a hardcover copy of Hollywood Station by Joseph Wambaugh lying around, and if you didn't buy it, then it's probably mine. I'm on page 50, which takes me a while, so I'm a little pissed that I lost it. Here's what it looks like (yes, I borrowed the picture from Amazon.Com:

Damn it...now I'm hungry. I had cereal for dinner and it's catching up with me...reminds me that Lucky Charms are not very filling. They are however frosted and magically delicious. I think I'll go have another bowl.

Now go enjoy your day...well, you're probably at work so go enjoy MY day off.

You Thought it Would Be Cool to Be on Dateline NBC

Dateline NBC is once again airing their "To Catch a Predator" series...where they use Internet chat rooms to setup a bunch of idiots...I mean guys...to meet underage girls for...whatever strange things they seem to think of. Each scene starts with a transcript of the chat and ends apropriately with the men being thrown to the ground by the police, crying like babies that they've never done this before and they're sorry. Oh...and my personal favorite..."I was just here to make sure nothing happened...to make sure she was safe". Give me a f*cking break; you drove 4 hours to some strangers house with completely honorable intentions and you brought condoms and beer. My second favorite..."I knew Dateline was going to be here". WHAT?! You've seen the show, you suspected it was a setup and you still showed up?! It is always men too...women don't seem to do this.

So...let's say you find yourself walking into a strangers house and Chris Hanson steps into the room to tell you that you're on Dateline NBC (hopefully this is not happening to anyone I know or anyone here for obvious reasons)...how should you handle yourself? Here are some things you should NEVER do (and sadly, I'm not making this shit up):

1. DON'T GO in the first place. Don't chat with someone who tells you they're underage, don't send them pictures of yourself with or without clothes...just DON'T.

2. See #1

3. If you've made it this far, you deserve what you get, which in the case of last night's show, was a tazer to the chest. Bzzzt. Well deserved. Any questions?

Check it out...everyone should know what's out there.