The Evolution of a Home Built Patio...It's Finally Done

Well that was a crazy and ridiculous home improvement project, and it only took a year and one month to finish from the very start. I can honestly say (and Katharine will back me up) that I will never undertake such a project again. Not to say I won't do any home improvement projects...but nothing this huge. So without further adieu, I'll walk you through the evolution.

It started on a clump of land. I was going to dig a hole by hand...with a shovel. It started that way. The hole was going to be 14' long by 10' wide. It was a moment of temporary insanity...I'm not that motivated. Here's as far as I got.

So thank you Steve M, for bringing me to my senses...and for bringing over that ATV with a plow so I could stop shoveling. I can't believe I was going to shovel all that dirt.

And so...the dirt was dug and the framing was done...and we had to make it level. Dig out all the dirt...put some back in...dig some out...put some back in.

I'm sorry...did you say we had to fill the hole back up with gravel and stonedust? Are you f*cking kidding me?! Fill it all the way up? Thankfully David F and Tara V were around to help with that little project.

How many patio stones is it going to take to fill up this space? I'm sorry...did you say 60 (which turned out to be 64)? Only because we had the strength of Dan M to help, did this even get done.

Right...it's still not done. It looks terrible without something around it to dress it up. Unfortunately, that part had to wait since I had a bit of surgery before THAT got done...and then it snowed...and then it was cold...and then we were broke...and then...and then...and then a year had passed since we started this God forsaken project. But now, thanks to Katharine and Ethan's brute strength (carrying bags of mulch so I could spread them)...it's DONE. DONE. DONE.

And we dedicate it to all of those people I mentioned that helped along the way.

Where Should I Sit?

We've lived in our house for more than two years...some of you have been here. Others have seen pictures. It's not a huge house, but it's the space we need for now...except for the fact that we don't have room for a dining table. We've been TV tray people since we moved in, which isn't horrible...I like TV. Katharine likes TV when she's not reading while she eats (Don't ask...I don't get it either). We decided that we were tired of eating off of trays, so we enlisted the help of Bob Villa and This Old House...uhm...no...wrong story. We enlisted the help of my brother, who I'll call G and his friend, who I'll call J because that's the first letter of their names. G and J were going to help me put a breakfast bar in right here:

If you ask me...I'd tell you that the breakfast bar was my idea. Katharine will dispute this, telling you that it was her idea and I said it was a bad one. She won't tell you that she proposed it while she was in school when we had no money and it was part of a list of 20 other projects we couldn't afford at the time. Whatever...it doesn't matter how it happened becuase it pretty much was her idea, but I agreed, so that's something. What matters is what happened during the 2 days of construction.

We started on Saturday around noon...took a trip to my least favorite place in the world (Home Depot) after measuring and figuring out what we needed for supplies. The people at Home Depot are never helpful to me, and once again proved this fact when we were told that the caulking was in the caulking isle. If I knew where that was, I wouldn't have asked. But we got everything and prepared to tear into the project. I was the helper for both G and J since I didn't know what I was doing. Oh...and I was the photographer. Here's what we found when we ripped open the wall.

You can't see it here, but nothing was really holding up the upstairs room (seriously...yeah...no kidding), so we had to put in a new support. I'm not a contractor so bear with my terminology. First, we had to remove the existing lack of support...so we used a stilt, which we kept bumping into...a stilt being exactly what it sounds like...an itty bitty 2x4 jacked in to hold the upstairs in from crashing in on us (and I think I mentioned that we bumped it a few times). Putting in the new header (across the top) was a nightmare for those that had to lift it...and for J who took a shot in the head with a 2X4 after requesting that we don't drop the header onto his head. At least the header didn't hit him in the head. I don't have a picture of this...it would have looked like it was planned.

When it came time to build the vertical support, we needed the ten foot long 2x4...we only had one of those. Where did it go? G asked me if I gave him that one to cut earlier. Sure...blame the guy that doesn't know anything. That's easy, right. Turns out that G cut it earlier...when I was busy doing something else. Here's how I proved my innocence...the sticker on the cut board that I hadn't touched.

G figured out a solution and we were done supporting the house (which required brute strength and a hydraulic car jack since the house was apparently caving in. No longer) and building the basic frame. The rest went together quickly. We discovered that this inside wall we were workig on used to be an outside wall and the original wood slats were still on the old outside wall. We found an electrical outlet between the wall and the kitchen cabinet. We noticed some wallpaper from the 1930s...we left that inside the wall. We cut through tons of asbestos...no...just kidding...we didn't, but I did believe J when he told me this. What do I know? I think G dropped a pencil into the basement...that's mine now.

So, the sheetrock went up, and all the taping and mud is finished...something I actually got to help with. It needs one final sanding (which will once again coat my house in dust), and some paint to finish it off...we ordered stools from Macys which were backordered and will arrive in 3 months...and we'll actually be able to sit at a counter to eat. So thanks G and J...we appreciate all your hard work...I learned a lot!